Wotcha, Jude! Wanna know about the monking?

4 Nov

Well, Jude, I’ve had my month of monking, and jolly good it was, too.  Wot a laugh!

Here is a picture of my whip. I took it into the monastery with me cos I saw The Da Vinci Code on DVD (I’ve been banned from the local cinema) and I really liked that scene where the evil monk bear gives himself a thrashing, and I thought Stephen might like me to give him a going-over.  But guess what, Jude – when I suggested it he made a sort-of whimpering noise and ran off and hid in the chapel. What a weed. He knew I wouldn’t follow him there cos I didn’t like the chapel very much.  Rather too holy for my liking.

Some of the more girly monks had little pink whips with tassles. But mine’s the real thing, made for me by a Merchant Navy officer bear.

Now then, as for the Archbear bloke, the boss of the monastery – what a meanie!  He had a telly in his room and watched all the Olympics on it and only let us monks join him a few times. We saw Usain Bear winning the hundred wotsits. I do like to see rugged, manly bears getting sweaty.  My old chum Jumping Jack Bear entered for the high jump, and missed, then he did the pole vault and cheated by using a pole with extra springiness in it and went sailing out of the stadium – no idea where he landed, probably the Thames. But the best was – Brother Ignatius Marathon Bear, the Archbish’s nephew, took a wrong turning in the marathon, never reached the finishing line and hasn’t been heard of since. Tee hee! We all knew he’d been planning his escape for ages, cos his uncle Archbear had forced him to join the monastery but Ignatius wanted to go to Amsterdam to be with the jolly Dutch bears.

The worst thing about the monking was the 5 a.m. starts. But I put up with them because monastery life was such a gas, messing about in brown frocks with all those bears, and drinking the cider, and getting together with my chums to teach the saintlier bears a lesson. There weren’t too many saintly ones, actually.  We soon sorted ’em out.

The trouble is, though, Jude – now we’re back home after our big monking adventure I’m finding Stephen a bit boring. I’m beginning to feel restless! I’m casting my eye round the house where we live … and I can’t stop looking at Paddington!  He’s been here all along, sitting quietly on a shelf, but I never gave him a second glance before. It’s as if I’m seeing him properly for the first time.  His chunky duffel coat … those shiny blue wellies … phwoarrr!

Ted

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One Response to “Wotcha, Jude! Wanna know about the monking?”

  1. Lorraine Gouland June 17, 2013 at 1:35 am #

    Ted! We need to know! Did Paddington respond to your advances? Did Stephen catch you polishing his wellies????

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